Dying?

My head and body have felt unbelievably hot and achy, and I did not sleep maybe an hour at a time. It was mostly due to getting up to pee all night, and drinking more water.

I need to kick this illness. It started with a bit of a cough on Sunday, more coughing on Monday, then fever started setting on. My head could have exploded last night.

I'll try sleeping today. I need to kick this feeling.

Uncle Justin!!!

Tonight was yet another family function. It was my niece Ashley's birthday. The big 1-0. I bought her "Thriller" because I knew she was into MJ since he passed. She deserves a good birthday. She's a great older sister who helps her mom with her 4 and 6 year old siblings, and now a 1 year old brother as well.

She officially became my niece through the nuptials of my brother and sister-in law at the county courthouse. My dad and step-mom had barely (or ever?) known the children or my sister in-law before my brother was married. Baby Alex was born shortly after the wedding and I now had five nieces and nephews to consider instead of just one. Last Christmas, I just bought a hodge-podge of cheap toys at Sears and decided to assigned names later. Like I really understood what was age appropriate (thankfully, I had help).

I come over many times and spend time to have dinner. When I walk through the door, the kids and my brother's wife would say "Hi Uncle Justin!"

I have no clue what I do to cause kids to like me. Playful, maybe. I get great joy from playing with the kids. I am just becoming better at putting my stern face on. If the nice guy gets serious, maybe they won't try to pull stuff with their parents when I'm around. I remember being a little shit at grandma's for that reason.

A friend asked me, at the beginning of the year, what's new in my life. I told her about my brother and his new wife and my nieces and nephews. "No, how are YOU doing?" I am not up to much. I have a few friends I don't see much anymore, and I worry about the status of all that ... I have family. That's a bigger part of my life now.

I get to carve pumpkins and have dinner with the whole gang on Thursday at Dad's. I remember trying to help the kids once ice fishing this past winter. The tangles. OH the tangles. And it was cold. Now I get to supervise them with more sharp objects. I'm looking forward to teaching patience and guiding creativity.

Scooping seeds and slime.

Mistake - Moby

Don’t speak to me this way
Don’t ever let me say
Don’t leave me again x 2
I never felt this loss before
And the world is closing doors
I never wanted anything more
[ x2]
Don’t hug me this way
Don’t touch me this way
Don’t hug me again x 2
Don’t hug me this way
Don’t touch me this way
Don’t hug me this again x 2
I never felt this loss before
And the world is closing doors
I never wanted anything more
Don’t let me make the same mistake again
Please, don’t let me make the same mistake again
Don’t let me make the same mistake again
I never felt this loss before
And the world is closing doors
I never wanted anything more
Please, Don’t let me make the same mistake again x2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSLS9nlrcbo

Do you ever feel...

Like you're at a permanent time-out at school. While other kids are out having fun on the playground, you are stuck in the corner with the dunce cap watching and wishing you could join in.

It's almost like it's being done on purpose. To rub my nose on it. Well, not blaming anyone for anything. But, it feels that way.

People are free to get along with whomever they wish. I just don't want to lose any more people that matter to me.

I FEEL like a dunce.